How do you start to communicate when everything is so intense? Hedy Schleifer has a brilliant metaphor for creating a space of deep connection with those you love. In her TED talk, she discusses how you can cross the bridge and create safe and sacred space to have real conversations.

You’ll be captivated as I was with her sparkling eyes and beautiful story of connecting deeply with her mother. The way she describes the process of connection is absolutely brilliant.

“And I make a decision.
I am going to cross the bridge
to the world of my mother.
I will leave the world where I am struggling.
I and will go and meet her.
And I will bring with me new eyes.”
~ Hedy Schleifer

Three Invisible Connectors

Listen to Hedy describe the three invisible connectors:

  1. the space – the relational space between people;
  2. the bridge – the bridge between the worlds of each person; and
  3. the encounter – human essence to human essence.

When you take responsibility for your half of the encounter, you create space for true connection and clear and loving conversations.

By taking the difficult, at times emotionally risky step to cross the bridge, you create sacred space.

When the space is safe, people open up. You get deeper connection and more clarity. And ultimately more love.

Watch this powerful video about how you can navigate difficult and emotional conversations.

Why is this so important?

Crossing the bridge helps you create loving conversations, even around difficult topics.

In some especially difficult conversations, I’ve used this process to help me stay grounded and clear. I’ve even taken a clear ziploc bag with a reminder of my intention on a sticky note into some conversations to help me remember to leave myself behind so I can be as clear as possible.

I’ve found that when I put these skills into practice, I also get unexpected side benefits.

When you don’t take ‘yourself’ into emotional conversations, if the other person is not in a loving space, ‘you‘ are not there to get hurt. ‘You‘ are still on your side of the bridge with all your feelings and ideas intact. Your energy is not impacted, and you don’t take what they say personally.

Just like travelling in another country, you accept that there are many ways of living and being. And everybody can find their own way and have their own ideas. It’s a live and let live feeling. You have respect and appreciation for our differences and a deep acknowledgement of where we are the same —  in the space where we can meet. It’s an act of compassion.


It takes courage to be connected.

~ Hedy Schleifer


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